#about nights guilt and sadness and days anger and resentment

[panncakes]

the tragedy in night and day doesn't lie in the accident because day doesn't blame night for the accident (not really, not in the way night blames himself). the tragedy in night and day lies in day having wanted night to be his big brother but feeling like he had to take on that roll for night instead and night having wanted day to be his little brother who is as proud of him as he is of day but being unable to figure out how to get there before the accident. the tragedy lies in day not understanding why night couldn't step up until after day went blind ('im just so damn lucky to be blind') and their mother and the world started treating him like a tragedy; leaving him feeling like night has always been jealous of him and is only stepping up to take the place of the golden son of the family now that it's up for grabs. the tragedy lies in night not being able to communicate to day that he was always proud of him and that him showing up to his sporting events only after day went blind isn't because day is blind now but because he has always loved him and supported him ('this is my little brother. he's a junior athlete on the national team') but now it's impossible to convince day of his sincerity and night can't forgive himself. the tragedy of night and day lies in these brother not having been given the time to naturally grow out of this crooked brotherly dynamic that was put upon them and now they're stuck under all this weight both unable to leave the night of the accident when they're around each other. the tragedy in night and day is that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and they are too stuck in the past to look at today.

[jjngkook7]

Choices (6)

Werewolf Au! Jungkook x Reader / Enemies to Lovers [Angst and mature content. Not smut but almost smut.]

Summary: Jungkook finally found her. His mate. His lifelong partner. But she’s a human. Does he have to stay with her or can he stick it to whatever and whoever binds mates together and make his own decision? ***THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PATIENCE. I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE YOU WAIT THIS LONG AGAIN***

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

You rang in the new year with some coworkers. The night was a blur of lights, laughter and music. Despite being a lightweight, you didn’t get as drunk as you thought, in fact, you were barely tipsy. It was hard to have fun when your reality didn’t even feel real. You had all the ingredients to drink your heart out: you met who was supposed to be your soulmate, you find out that mythical creatures are real and your best friend in the whole world has been hiding all of this from you for a year. To add more salt to the wound, Jennie spent Christmas and New Years with the pack. Sad wasn’t quite the right word for how you felt, maybe confused or disoriented? You had been in a haze since the last time you saw everyone trying to figure out if the past weeks were real or not.

After Jungkook dropped you back off at the cabin, Namjoon decided that you should leave for your safety. Apparently having someone as unpredictable as Jungkook free from his chains while his mate was hanging out with other men was not a good idea even after you told Namjoon that Jungkook actually saved your life. Namjoon took you home that night and advised you to keep your distance for a while. He seemed sad when he dropped you off and truth be told, you were kind of sad too. You had a fondness for Namjoon because he was the one that made you feel sane and safe throughout this whole journey. You would miss your friendship with him and everyone else.

Your phone pinged, reeling you out of your thoughts. You thew it towards the edge of your bed when you saw that it was just one of those annoying marketing texts. Your eyes then glided towards the Christmas card on your nightstand as it did almost everyday; it was the one artifact you had proving that everything you went through was real. Everyone from the pack had signed the card, all except for one. You reached for the card and ran your fingertips over the glitter covered snowman on the front page. I wonder how he’s doing. Embarrassed didn’t even begin to explain how you felt. You felt like a fool, an actual idiot for still wondering about Jungkook’s wellbeing when he couldn’t even write his name on a stupid Christmas card for you-he probably laughed when Namjoon asked him to contribute. With one last read through of the card, you placed it under your bed and made never thinking about Jungkook again as your new year’s resolution.

__________________________________

Maybe because there was no one to talk to about your new year’s resolution in full but getting over Jungkook was pretty easy. You hadn’t spoken to anyone in the pack in over a month and the memories of them become less and less clear by the day. Was it Jin that helped you with your injuries or Yoongi? Was it Namjoon that drove you home or did Hoseok tag along also? And did you actually feel sparks when Jungkook touched you or was it just your imagination? Either way, it felt good to feel less crazy. It was only when you and Jennie hung out that everything would hit you like a freight train. Seeing her was bittersweet. You were so happy to spend time with your best friend despite your guys’ schedule but you couldn’t help this building of resentment in your chest at the same time. Anger and guilt gnawed at you so raw that replying to her texts took hours to do. Luckily, both of you were so busy with work that seeing each other was few and far between.

One thing you had a really hard time forgetting was the night you had to leave. After Jungkook asked you to wait, you sat by his side and watched him catch his breath. It was hard seeing someone in so much pain despite the lack of physical wounds. Once Jungkook seemed to have a grip on himself, he told you to sit as far away from him as possible while he sat on the other side of the cabin. You remembered feeling like you were naked under his red gaze, like he could see every single movement you made. Jungkook told you that it wasn’t safe for you to leave yet and that you had to wait for a little bit. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook couldn’t have you leave just yet. A wolf in the midst of his heat finally meeting his mate after being kept away from them was like a ticking time bomb. Jungkook needed to engulf your scent and calm his mind before letting you go back to a cabin full of fully grown men. He was surprised that you complied and that you kept your composure. Sure, he noticed your trembling hands and shortness of breath but you kept calm and collected. Jungkook needed to direct his attention to something else-anything- and so the small talk began. It started off with what you did for work and ended with Jungkook shit talking his pack mates. When Jungkook felt sane enough, he insisted he carry you home to be safe. You remember flinching when a low growl escaped from Jungkook when you hooked your arms around his neck. You felt his body shake as you wrapped your legs around his waist. It took a minute before he was able to hoist you up and get going. You remembered him being gentle and asking if you were all right the whole way back to the cabin. You remembered him letting you down a couple meters in front of the cabin because Namjoon would’ve killed him if he saw Jungkook and you together.

“Are you going to be okay?” you asked.

Jungkook offered you a nod, his bright red eyes doing the soft smile on his face an injustice. Perhaps it was the darkness playing tricks on your eyesight but Jungkook looked bigger. His muscles were more toned, his hair was thicker and his overall aura was just larger. You felt embarrassed drooling over his physique like some school girl despite almost dying a couple hours ago. Namjoon’s voice from inside the cabin redirected your guys’ attention and you suddenly remembered that it was below freezing outside.

“I-I’m going to go inside now,” you reached out your hand to give Jungkook’s arm a reassuring squeeze but retracted remembering how much he ordered you to not touch him, “goodnight.”

To your surprise, Jungkook reached out instead and caressed your face with both his hands. You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch pathetically. Jungkook left out an exhale of both relief and frustration. Every ounce of control he had was quickly slipping through his fingers. He was teetering towards the edge of danger with you right now. You opened your eyes to see Jungkook watching you but not like he did before. Just a couple of hours ago, you felt like a prey under his gaze. This time, he was looking at you like how Taehyung looked at Jennie.

“Do me a favor?” he asked, his voice almost hoarse.

You nodded and scrunched your eyebrows. What could you possibly do for him? Jungkook felt his stomach drop knowing what he was going to ask of you. The warmth that happened when you guys touched intensified as Jungkook brought your body closer to his. He knew he only had a couple minutes to relish your touch before his heat and his reality would take over again.

“I need you to forget about this night,” he finally said. Although subtle, he felt your pressure lift from his hands. “I need you to forget about me, about my pack, about everything. Make it like I never even existed, and I’ll do the same. Trust me, it’s for the best.”

As cruel as his words already were, Jungkook then sealed it by pressing his lips against yours. You couldn’t help but gasp which, he happily swallowed. A surge of electricity pulsed through you as he deepened the kiss. The heat from his body immediately making you forget how cold it was. As gentle as he was, you remembered his body began to tremble and the slight sting against your bottom lip when his fangs unsheathed.

And that was all you wanted to remember. Perhaps you were a masochist. Of all the memories you chose to forget, you just couldn’t let go of this particular one; no one ever really completes their new year’s resolution anyways. You knew you would never get an answer but it didn’t matter anymore. Every time Jennie saw you, she'd try to ask about Jungkook but you would either change the subject or give her vague answers. You didn't want to know more than you already did.

“Goodnight, Sooyoung!” you chimed.

“Goodnight,” Sooyoung replied with a sympathetic smile, “you should leave soon.”

“I will!” you lied, “see you tomorrow morning.”

Sooyoung hovered by your desk for a few more seconds before heading towards the elevator. It was common for you to stay after work but not for this long. You waved at Sooyoung until the elevator doors finally closed. When you were certain that there was no one else in the office, you closed the document you were pretending to work on and slumped against your chair. A tired sigh left your mouth as you roughly ran your hands against your face. Just as you were accepting your new reality, the past week and a half had you re-questioning your sanity. Being at home recently felt eerie. You were constantly checking over your shoulder and hesitant to sleep with your bedroom door closed. The nightmares you were having didn’t help either. Night after night, you would see the same things in your dream: rogue wolves chasing you and a Jungkook bleeding out to top it off. You’d jolt awake in the middle of the night and could only fall back asleep after taking melatonin. With the nightmares being a daily occurrence, the melatonin had stopped taking effect and you were left trying to calm your racing heart on your own. To your disdain, the only place you felt safe was at work. Your office was high up on the 25th floor and security here was pretty strict. You concluded that your paranoia was from these nightmares but those moments when you felt like someone was watching you felt too real to blame on lack of sleep. You put your head down against your desk and stared at the time displayed on your computer. It was nearing 7:45 and you promised yourself that you’d leave at 8pm. As the minutes ticked by, you tried to come up with some sort of game plan to combat another inevitable sleepless night.

____________________________________

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouted as he kicked over a half conscious rogue towards Jungkook.

Jungkook caught it mid air and slammed it down onto the ground before ripping its head off. With that being the last rogue, Jungkook and pack were able to finally catch their breath as they examined the graveyard of torn limbs by their feet.

“Where the fuck are they coming from?” Hoseok panted.

Namjoons eyes wavered as he studied the carcasses on the ground. He had no answer for Hoseok. Rogue wolves attack here and there but never had he seen such great numbers. Their appearance usually coincided with the phases of the moon but recently, their attacks had been random and in hoards. He did notice that they foolishly always went for Jungkook first. As strong as Jungkook was, he was not invincible. Namjoon had also taken note of how haggard and tired his pack was from fighting almost everyday. If they didn't find an answer anytime soon, he feared that he would lose a pack member.

Everyone turned their head towards the trees when they heard a branch snap. In the distance, Jungkook caught a flash of white teeth and familiar pitch black eyes.

“I got it!” Jungkook shouted, before running after the rogue.

He was fucking exhausted. He really hoped that this was the last one because he was losing strength and fast. These recent attacks only fuelled his anger because if he had mated with someone of his species, he would’ve tripled in strength by now.

A yelp emitted from the rogue when Jungkook finally caught up and grabbed its legs. Jungkook swung the rogue against a tree, breaking its ribs in the process. As the creature whimpered against the ground, Jungkook winced when he saw that it was laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Jungkook sneered, angry that it was still breathing.

The creature seemed to be mumbling a familiar word over and over again but Jungkook couldn’t figure out what it was saying. Another yelp came out from the rogue as Jungkook kicked its face in. He crouched down and grabbed the creature by its scruff.

“Speak up!” He demanded.

Despite his impressive experience fighting rogues, Jungkook still had a hard time getting used to the disturbing ways these creatures moved and laughed even though they were near death. This rogue had its jaw kicked in and its tongue was hanging out due to the lack of the bottom half of its face. The grip Jungkook had on it tightened when it continued mumbling. Just as he was about to lose his patience trying to unscramble the creatures jargon, Jungkook finally put together what it was mumbling. The rogue seemed to notice the shift in Jungkook’s eyes and laughed even louder.

“I bet she’d taste so good too.” were its last words before Jungkook ripped out its heart.

Jungkook had to get back to Namjoon and let him know what happened.

It was mumbling your name this whole time.

The living room was quiet as the pack tended to their wounds. Jin went around ensuring that everyone was treating their injuries correctly even if it was just a little scratch.

"You need to clean it." Jin sighed, looking at the deep cut on Jungkook's forearm. The cut was his own fault. As Jungkook was ripping the rogues heart out, his arm got caught in the creatures ribs and it carved his arm as he was pulling it out of its chest.

"Just leave it, Jin." Jungkook grumbled, swatting Jin's worried hands away.

Namjoon and Jin exchanged glances, both annoyed and worried about the youngest member but Namjoon didn't have time to adhere to Jungkook's attitude. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt but who knew when the rogues would come back to attack again.

"So," Yoongi said, sucking his teeth in the process, "anyone here knows what they want?"

Jungkook wanted to hear his members theories before jumping the gun because maybe the rogue was toying with Jungkook or maybe it wasn't even saying your name at all. The silence that followed confirmed Jungkook's fear. No matter what Jungkook did, he just couldn't seem to get away from you. All eyes were on Jungkook when he suddenly cursed.

"They're after her." Jungkook said, his fingers pinching his nose bridge.

"Who?" Jimin asked.

"His mate." Taehyung's grin only grew when Jungkook glared at him.

Amidst Jimin's surprise and the symphony of swear words thrown back and forth between the members, Namjoon felt his heart sink as a wave of deja vu hit him. The younger one failed to notice the sadness in the leaders eyes as he berated his pack mates who were teasing him with swear words.

"They're not after her," Namjoon finally spoke, breaking the fight, "Jungkook, they're after you and then her. They know that you'd go after them if they kill her before you mark her. They're after you first to get you out of the picture. As long as she's unmated, they're going to keep coming."

Namjoon felt a lump grow in his throat as realization washed over each member. All eyes slowly turned towards Jungkook who had his fists balled up. The pressure from his fists made his blood seep out from the cut on his forearm. Why did he have to deal with this? How come you were still intertwined with him despite being away for over a month? What did he have to fucking do to get rid of you for good?

"T-this could be different, Namjoon." Jungkook stammered, his mind moving too quick for his mouth to catch up.

"Jungkook listen to me," Namjoon said picking his words carefully as he approached Jungkook, "only you can stop this. We can't fend them off forever."

Jungkook grit his teeth and felt his breath labour. This wasn't fair. He didn't choose this and it seemed like life wasn't planning on giving him too many options either. Jungkook began to replay the conversation he had with Namjoon after he first discovered you. The blood from Jungkook's cut was now staining his pants as he remembered what Namjoon said about how strong humans were. What a fucking joke.

"I am stopping this! Who here in this room has killed more rogues than me? Huh? Who?!" Jungkook bursted.

Jungkook's brown eyes had now turned into a dark red shade.

"Killing them one will send ten. Killing ten will send a hundred. Killing a hundred will send a thousand. You have the responsibility to save her life," Namjoon argued tiredly, "look at your brothers. Look at you! We are not immortal, Jungkook."

Jungkook jumped up from his seat and grabbed his hair. His ears were now ringing. His responsibility?! He hadn't even marked you yet, why were you now his responsibility? He couldn't help but laugh aloud by how absurd everything and everyone was sounding. You had stolen what seemed like everything away from him-his freedom, his bodily functions and now even his morals. You kept taking from him and now you were his responsibility?

"Jungkook please," Jin pleaded, "can you please put your own ego aside and make a good choice for once in your life?"

Jungkook turned towards Jin and snarled, "Remind me who saved your fucking life just 20 minutes ago? If I hadn't ran to you in time, you would've been shredd-"

"Enough!" Namjoon yelled, "Whether you like it or not, her life is in your hand-"

"I will not be responsible for her death like you were for Irene!"

Within a second, Jungkook was slammed against the wall. His right cheek was throbbing and his nose bloodied. He wasn't sure if he had finished his sentence but the right hook from Namjoon answered that question for him. Before Jungkook could orient himself, Namjoon grabbed Jungkook by the neck and trapped him against the wall again.

"You will never utter her name in that context again do you understand?" Namjoon asked through gritted teeth.

Jungkook licked his lower lip, the taste of his own blood filling his mouth as he did.

"Do you understand?!" Namjoon bellowed, shaking Jungkook.

"Y-yes." Jungkook finally answered.

The older one finally let go but not without giving Jungkook one final shove.

"Have a better attitude tomorrow morning or you fend for yourself from now on." Namjoon threatened before disappearing into his study.

Jungkook kept his eyes on the floor as his members stood around staring at him. Jungkook could only count on one hand how many times he felt ashamed in life, he would now have to count on two hands after tonight. His members didn't say a word to him as they retreated back to their rooms one by one. Taehyung lingered for a little bit longer. He wanted to ring Jungkook out but decided to leave him to sulk all alone. Jungkook watched his blood drip from his nose onto his sweater. Would dying by some disgusting creatures be better than surrendering to fate? One thing was for sure, Jungkook would rather die with his brothers than alone. He turned his head towards the end of the hallway where Namjoon's study was. The searing pain from his broken nose was nothing compared to what he just said to Namjoon.

Namjoon had his head buried in his hands as Jungkook's words echoed in his mind. It had been years since Irene's death but it still pained him like it happened yesterday. He knew the younger one was speaking out of anger but if he only knew how much Namjoon did blame himself.

"You know, I couldn't even mourn her after she died. I think I finally did after three months." Namjoon spoke.

Jungkook figured it was probably the smell from all his blood that alerted Namjoon to his presence. He cautiously walked towards Namjoon and sat in front of him.

"Her death was the first out of the two times I ever regretted taking leadership of our pack." Namjoon continued, looking up to meet the younger ones sad gaze.

"And the second?" Jungkook asked, his voice barely audible.

"Tonight." Namjoon replied.

Jungkook let the uncomfortable silence engulf him. He stared at the picture of Irene resting on the bookshelf behind Namjoon and felt remorse like he had never before. Irene was Namjoon's mate. For years, Namjoon refused to mark her not because he didn't want to-because he did-but because he was afraid of bringing Irene in his world. He thought the best way to protect her was to keep her away. Jungkook had never seen someone love another person the way Namjoon loved Irene. He doted on her and gave her anything she ever wanted, everything except for one. Irene had begged and begged Namjoon to make her his official mate but he always rejected her advances. By the time Namjoon decided to turn a new leaf, it was too late. If Namjoon had marked her, he would've been stronger and maybe could've fought off the pack of rogues. That day, Jungkook and the pack were out hunting. When they came back, the cabin they had built had been ripped apart. The image of Namjoon carrying Irene's bloody body in his arms as he wept and called out her name was forever imprinted in Jungkook's brain. Namjoon's physical state was no better and if they hadn't returned when they did, they would've lost their leader too. Irene was one of the strongest people Jungkook knew. She was brave, unwavering and quick witted. Before Jin met Mina, it was Irene nursing everyone back to health after a fight and braving the forest to find medicine. Irene was strong and she was human.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said and I shouldn't have said that," Jungkook apologized tearing his eyes away from Irene, "I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Namjoon smiled. Although brash and somewhat arrogant, Jungkook always meant well at the end of the day. He couldn't even count how many brawls Jungkook got into because someone slightly badmouthed a member of the pack.

"Please, your life will probably end in the next few minutes with the amount of blood you're losing. Just let me punch the other side of your face and we can call it even." Namjoon joked.

Jungkook scoffed and wiped his nose. He really was losing a lot of blood.

"Jungkook, I couldn't save Irene but you have a chance here. Learning to love someone...don't you think that's better than losing someone," Namjoon wanted to laugh when he saw Jungkook flinch at the word 'love', "and if you can't do it for her, do it for me. For Irene."

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat, "I-I don't know if I can mark her right away, you have to give me some time."

Namjoon nodded understandingly.

"But I promise," Jungkook sucked in a breath, "I'll protect her with my life."

[bambooswordwielder]

I come here to beg for any MDZS fics set Post-Burial Mounds Siege where Jiang Cheng is/or at least believes he's being haunted by Wei Wuxian.

Just the imaginary of Jiang Cheng staring out in the distance of the Lotus ponds and rivers only to see in the distance a lone boat with a suspiciously familiar red ribbon tied on it, the nearby lotuses peeled and left on the sides like someone had been planning to share them with friends. Someone must have terrible humour because majority of people know damn well who used to where a red ribbon and eat Lotus seeds like there wasn't training waiting for him. No, someone was just messing with him.

Imagining Jiang Cheng walking outside Wei Wuxian's old room and swearing he hears laughter from it before the sounds of footsteps running down the hallway only for when he goes inside to see no one. Must just be the wind, or maybe he's just hearing things due to the stress.

Imagining Jiang Cheng snapping at anyone who plays a dizi/flute near the Yunmeng Jiang before banning them entirely, only to hear in the middle of the night a singular piercing melody that seems to haunt with how familiar it sounds. He gets out of his room to yell at whoever broke the rules, only to be met with an empty courtyard. He refuses to think of the fact that the majority of cultivators who weren't Lans didn't use instruments in their cultivation or day to day lives. Must've just been some reckless disciple who decided to prank everyone.

Imagine Jiang Cheng trying to teach Jin Ling some basic Jiang sword stances, but having to stop midway as Jin Ling keeps staring off in the distance towards the docks. Jiang Cheng is about to scold him, but he feels his blood grow cold as he hears the words leave Jin Ling's mouth.

"JiuJiu, why is there a man crying there?"

Jiang Cheng turns immediately, Zidian pulsing with electricity as he prepares to confront this stranger who got so close to his last family member, when all he is met with is wind and silence. No one is on the docks.

He bans Jin Ling from that day on from ever going near the docks and requests for a group of Lan Elders to come and 'cleanse' the docks. Just in case. Perhaps some restless ghost of a young Yunmeng Jiang disciples during the Lotus Pier Massacre didn't get to rest. Yes. He should focus on getting their soul to rest.

I really want to read about Jiang Cheng going back at forth between resentment, rage, and anger before shifting to sadness, fear, and guilt. I saw a beautiful drawing here on tumblr about an idea of Jiang Cheng patrolling the Lotus ponds and seeing the ghostly remains of Wei Wuxian's dead body appear every night, and I'm just so fascinated in the idea of Jiang Cheng being forced to confront the fact that he very much did 'kill' (not directly but still contributed in causing his death) Wei Wuxian in the very direct way of being haunted by him.

Feeling the lack of presence of someone who's dead is vastly different from being haunted by them, the idea that they were so filled with rage in death that they refuse to rest and instead haunt you. You refuse to even think of the idea that they can't rest.

In short, Jiang Cheng would've suffered greatly if Wei Wuxian in some way or form haunted him — even if it's most likely caused by his guilt.

I might write a few short oneshots on AO3, but if anyone has recs, please comment!

[gingerjolover]

You're Losing Me - Part 3

Warnings: RPF, angsty + sad, desperate!naomi, neglectful!naomi?, issues in relationship, fighting?

g's notes: surprise shawtayyyy - also sorry this is late, i went out drinking on sat and then was watching the SuperBowl (congrats to kylie kelce's husband's brother ig)

also barely edited but i will be going in tomorrow or the next day to redo allll of my tags, make a tags post, and edit my fics <3

Naomi, sitting at the computer practically steaming with annoyance, is completely oblivious to you waiting outside. They feel stress regarding the fight, that much is obvious, but also a little bit of a sunk-cost fallacy regarding the work they need to get done. Plus, there's a small part of them that believes this will blow over quickly, maybe spending a night apart will be good for the two of you.

So they keep working, feeling a little bad about it, reflecting on how they could've controlled their anger, trying to convince themselves that the defeat in your eyes was nothing more than exhaustion. Slowly, Naomi starts to feel slight resentment, how could you just leave, yeah they agree that space is great but was it the most mature decision coming from you?

After a while, Naomi's resentment begins to simmer down, replaced with a mix of remorse and confusion for what just happened. They realize that they didn't even acknowledge you or your feelings and that it's too late to fix their mistake, wishing they could have extended even a sliver of patience with you.

"Dammit," they say quietly to themselves.

They take a deep breath and continue to work on their computer for a while, but their focus is beginning to fade. They start to feel like their work isn't as important as they are making it out to be; maybe it never has been, and they want to fix their relationship first.

Naomi goes to check your location, seeing that you're not even halfway to Jo and Kelli’s, and it confuses them. Didn’t you leave right after they went inside? Or were you waiting for them to come back out? Did something happen to you on your drive? It’s been over an hour since Naomi started working again. Worry sinks down in Naomi's stomach, settling like a rock.

Naomi wouldn't be able to live with themselves if something happened to you, so they don't even text Jo or Kelli and move to call you. Leaning against the doors of their office, the repetitive rings while they wait for you to answer, causing their heart rate to speed up, the nerves of the unknown and the potential ramifications of this coming-to-head boiling inside them.

Their mouth is a bit dry and they are struggling to control their breathing, wishing that you'd would just pick up the line.

“Yes, Naomi,” you answer deadpan, so unlike your usual sweet, bubbly, and loving greetings, your voice lacks emotion. Naomi cringes at the volume of your voice but can hear the sounds of the road beneath your tires and that you're using Bluetooth in your car.

How you answer the phone sets Naomi's heart racing just a bit more. They feel the guilt weighing on their chest again, like a heavy animal, giving no reprieve or time to get air into their lungs.

"Hey…" they say quietly, "…can we…umm…talk this out? Because this feels…"Naomi stutters, struggling to find the right words to say.

"…bad," they finally breathe out.

“This…feels— bad?” you ask, almost a little confused, tone still defeated and annoyed.

Naomi bites their lip as they hear your response, the confusion and annoyance in your voice evident at their simplistic answer.

They close their eyes and take a deep breath, trying to compose themselves.

"No, no, this isn't just bad…it's like, a train wreck," they finally say, starting to get slightly frustrated again. "This fight is...the biggest one we've had in, I don't know how long... maybe ever. We haven't even had a small one in forever. You and I are always on the same page."

There's a pregnant pause. Naomi can hear you breathing, the sounds of the road accompanying your deep breaths.

“Do you still love me?” you ask quietly, voice insecure and small.

Naomi feels like they just got punched in the mouth. The shock and hurt that pairs with the realization that this isn’t just a fight rocks Naomi to their core. Had their actions pushed you so far that you think this might be over? That Naomi might not love you anymore?

Naomi feels the air sucked out of their lungs, their skin feels like it’s on fire. You are everything. There’s nothing without you and nothing Naomi wouldn’t do for you. They want you to be their wife, the mother of their children (still undecided about that), and their life partner. Naomi never wants you to doubt their love for you and yet, here you are asking exactly that.

Naomi's heart shatters as your tone makes them realize how far this has gone.

"Yes, of course, I love you," they say, sounding a little angry and confused at how you could question that. "Why are you asking me that? How could you ask me that?"

Naomi feels their heart race at this moment, confused about how this suddenly turned so serious. How could you go from not wanting to talk to them to questioning the very nature of their love in an hour?

“But are you in love with me? Do you wanna still be with me?” You ask, voice shaky and a little crackly over the Bluetooth in you car.

"Yes!" Naomi says, their voice raised slightly. "W-what is going on right now?!" they ask. "Of course, I'm still in love with you! What the hell is this? Please let me know why you're thinking about these things." They pause for a moment, starting to feel a little bit hurt by your question.

There's another pregnant pause. Naomi can hear you stutter, like you want to say something but cant find the words. They can visualize it now, your jaw slack, eyes wide and doe-like, trying to find a way to communicate, and even after the devastating blow that was your questions, Naomi feels nothing but annoyance.

"I am not the one making this harder than it should be…" they mutter.

“Because of that! Why are you so angry with me all the time? Why can’t I spend 5 minutes with you when you’re not talking about MUNA or on your phone or computer? Why can Kelli and Jo go and do things? Why can Katie go on vacation? Why can't you and I do those things? Why are we struggling to be on the same page? What about me makes it so difficult for you to give me time when I’m telling you how I’m feeling?” you ask in a slight, passionate tone laced with hurt.

Naomi stops talking as you start going off, trying to process what you're saying.

You're speaking only facts, things Naomi had denied before but now realizes might actually be true. Naomi never intended for you to feel like this. Naomi has always preached about a work-life balance, never wanting to be blinded by the work they do, so much so that they forget how to be a good partner. And even though you're right, they feel caught off guard, feeling like you're angry at them for something that, at least in Naomi's mind, was done unintentionally.

"I…" they begin to say. "I…don't know."

“Is it me? Is something wrong with me?” you ask, Naomi’s heart cracking into a million pieces.

If there was a question that would shatter Naomi's heart right now, that was it.

"No, no no no! Nothing is wrong with you," they say quickly.

Their words seem to be doing little to soothe your feelings, and for a second, they realize that this "fight" might actually be the beginning of an end.

"It's not you…" they start to say. "I mean it's…it's…" they feel a lump in their throat as they start not knowing what to say anymore.

“If it’s not me, then I— I can’t understand why everyone gets your time but me,” you say, tone defeated and sad, voice so small and unsure of yourself, humiliated that you're allowing yourself to sound like this.

Naomi feels a tidal wave of guilt wash over them after hearing your voice, knowing it's killing you inside to feel so small and like you need to beg for attention. Naomi paces, suddenly feeling anxious at the realization that they are truly the villain, pushing you back into the feelings you had in your childhood, having always promised to be better than what you had before.

"Please, sweetheart, it's not like that, you know that," they say, sounding desperately like they are trying to find the right thing to say to make you feel better.

"I've just…been stressed and overwhelmed and, yeah it doesn't give me the right to ignore you like I have, but it's…but it's not personal. I just…." they trail off, not knowing how to finish that sentence. They're starting to feel defeated and confused themselves, not knowing why they've acted the way they have.

You sniffle softly, Naomi's eyes squeezing shut, their fingers pinching the bridge of their nose as they hear you cry softly.

"I didn't mean to fight with you," they manage to say quietly.

Naomi feels lost now, the feeling of remorse and guilt taking over their body again. They don't want this; they want to fix things, to work it out.

“I’m tired Nomi,” you say softly, tone defeated and exhausted. The pet name for Naomi sent a dagger through their heart, the name usually used in between kisses or giggles, sounding sweet and soft from your lips sounds drained now.

They can hear how defeated and tired you sound and know that they've done something terribly wrong. But they're just unsure of what to do to remedy the situation right now.

"Maybe we just need some sleep, and when we are recharged and rested, we can..." they suggest quietly.

“I’m tired,” you say, cutting them off, voice soft but definitive.

Naomi's blood runs cold. Tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of begging for normalcy, and regular conversation. Tired of being ignored or forgotten about. Tired.

"I…I know you're tired, honey," Naomi chokes up, sitting down on the couch, elbows resting on their knees.

"I'm sorry..." they start, breathing out, "I- you don't deserve to feel this tired, can we... do you want to talk about this after you get some rest? Are you almost at Jo's?" Noami asks softly, defeat lacing their words.

“Yeah...will you have time?” you ask, snark missing from your voice genuinely asking.

"Yes!" Naomi says quickly. "Of course, I'll have time to talk to you, whenever you want, I'm not doing anything else important."

Naomi pauses momentarily, feeling more confused by your question.

"Did you think I'd tell you no?" they ask.

“…Yes?” you respond softly, pulling into Jo and Kelli's driveway.

Naomi is stunned to hear that answer. They're speechless for a second, not sure of how to respond. Earlier when you asked it was snarky, this was a genuine question... had Naomi really proven to be so dismissive?

"Honey…you know that I don't think of you as a distraction that I need to get rid of?" they ask, with a tinge of sadness and frustration in their tone.

"…you know you're my favorite person in the whole world, right?" they ask with no snark in their voice, just genuine concern and confusion.

“I... it just hasn’t felt that way for the last few weeks…” you respond, staring at Jo and Kelli's front door, deciding its now or never, the opportunity has presented itself to have a real conversation about this.

Naomi is quiet for a moment. "…has it been that long?" they ask quietly.

This is beginning to hit Naomi harder and harder the deeper this conversation gets. You've been trying to communicate with them, and Naomi hasn't been listening, not really. Half listening at best.

"Are you saying you haven't felt like my favorite person for a few weeks?" they ask curiously, shame in their words.

“Naomi it’s been like a month,” you say softly, voice muffled. Naomi can practically visualize you running your hands over your face in frustration like you do.

Naomi's heart drops. A month…so this has been building up for longer than they realized. They feel their skin start to heat up. You've felt upset and neglected for a month, and Naomi didn't even realize it.

"Oh my god…" they groan. "…What the hell have I been doing?"

That question is more rhetorical than anything, but it's like it escaped, the utter stupidity that Noami feels is escaping out of every pore. "You've been trying to talk to me about this, and I've been…ignoring you…"

“Not so much ignoring but… distracted yeah… and I get it, I’m not… I’m not asking you to put me above MUNA; I know how much you love the band, and I would never ask you to choose. I just feel like,… what’s the point anymore? I’m practically begging you to pay attention to me,” you say, verbalizing the very thoughts Naomi had gathered in the last 15 minutes of this conversation.

They have spent so much time focused on their work and on the band's new album, and not nearly enough time putting it aside to give you the attention, love, and reassurance that you deserve in a partnership.

"You feel…like you're begging for my attention…?" they ask quietly. "Is…that really how you feel?"

“I mean I left the house today and you got mad and it’s like… you were supposed to come with me… we had plans, I— Emilia’s baby shower was today, and you just—“ you stammer, overwhelmed by the bluntness of this interaction.

Naomi feels a lump in their throat as they think about that. "Emilia's baby shower was today…? Honey, you didn't tell me, did you?" Naomi's voice is filled with confusion and guilt. "Why didn't you tell me you needed me to go with you to this?"

“Naomi, I did, multiple times I mean you even asked me why I was dressed up this morning before we fought. It was in the goddamn calendar! I shouldn't have to ask you to go to events with me!” you say, voice riddled with annoyance and a defensiveness that surprises Naomi.

Naomi feels what's left of their heart drop into their stomach. "I…I don't…remember you telling me…" They take a deep breath, trying to process that information. How did they not remember you were going to a baby shower this morning? Of course, that's why you were dressed up all pretty and holding a gift bag. And it was for Emilia, your close friend, not just some acquaintance.

"God, what…what is wrong with me…" they say, sounding like they're fighting the urge to cry.

“Because I talk and you don’t listen, this is what I’ve been trying to say. It’s why I’m questioning if you even want this anymore! You’ve never been like this, and if there’s something deeper you need to tell me, I can’t keep doing this,” you say with finality.

Naomi starts to tear up, their heart filled with shame as they listen to you talk. You're telling Naomi something they already know in their heart; they just didn't want to fully accept that they hadn't been fully present in the relationship.

"That's…not…I want this, honey …" they whisper. They feel like they're struggling to get the words out, like climbing out of a burning house, trying to save what's inside. "You're my best friend…you're the love of my life, and I want this more than anything…"

They pause momentarily, letting these words sink in for both of you.

“Then fucking act like it!” you exclaim, finally fed up. “I’ve been with you through two album productions and releases, and we haven’t had this issue, so if I’m not the problem and it really is the album and you are so overwhelmed fucking ask Katie and Jo to help you and act like you want to marry me,” you say, definitiveness in your voice, leaving nothing unsaid.

Naomi feels their heart sink even further as they hear how you are talking to them right now. And you're right. Naomi knows you're right, they hadn't been present or attentive or caring, but hearing you express it so pointedly this way still hurts.

"I…I want to marry you." Their voice falters and breaks as they say this, their sadness and shame coming through loudly in their tone. "I do."

“Okay,” you breathe out, unsure where to go from here.

Unbeknownst to Naomi, Kelli sees you sitting in the driveway, opening the door and waving with a sad smile.

“Look um, Kelli just opened the door so— I’m going to go in…”

Naomi feels the spot where their heart used to be pulse, feeling like something is crawling up their throat, struggling to breathe. They want to fix this right now, they need to.

"Can you talk for a second longer, please? I know you probably need some space, but I'm starting to realize how little I've given you these last few weeks…" their voice is filled with sadness and guilt. "Please…can we talk about this in person?" they ask quietly, not even caring how desperate they sound.

It takes everything in Naomi to try and mask the disappointment they're feeling, knowing that they wanted more time to fix this problem that they've caused.

"It's getting late I- I'm tired, I'm not driving back to the house now," you explain softly, rubbing your face.

"Right, yeah... no I get it," Naomi mumbles, wiping their eyes.

There's a long pause, the only sounds that can be heard are breathing from each other.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant lately, I do love you…I love you more than anything, honey" they say softly.

“I know, Nomi."

Naomi feels like they're on fire. Your response doesn't contain you saying "i love you" back. Naomi is quiet for a minute, digesting everything you've talked about. They start to notice how quiet the line has become and wonder if you've hung up.

"Are you still there?" they ask quietly.

“Yeah."

"Can…can you do me a favor then, please?" Naomi says quietly, their voice sounding small and vulnerable.

"Can you just…tell me that you love me?" they ask.

“Naomi—“ you start before Naomi cuts you off, really needing to hear that you love them, even if they don’t deserve it.

"Just…just say it, please," they plead, their voice small and full of anxiety; sharp intakes of breath are doing nothing to halt the turbulence in Naomi's chest.

“Naomi, take a deep breath,” you say delicately; Naomi can hear shuffling and the car door slamming as you get out of your car. Naomi takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm in this moment,

"Please say that you still love me," they beg gingerly.

“Naomi, I love you, I do… okay? I wouldn’t have gotten this upset if I didn’t," you respond tenderly, leaning against your car.

"Are you wearing your ring?" Naomi whispers.

"I’m still wearing my ring; please take a deep breath,” you say gently.

Naomi feels their heart soften a little after hearing you say those words. The guilt creeps in when they realize that even after hurting you, you're still comforting them. They hate how confident it makes them to know you're still wearing your ring. They feel terrible about this whole thing and about how much they've hurt you, but you wearing your ring gives them hope that this is something they can come back from.

"I'm so sorry, baby, so so sorry. I'm sorry I've been…distancing myself like this, honey…it's not right. Can you…can you forgive me?" Naomi asks quietly.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, Naomi, okay?” you say, walking towards the front door. Kelli's eyes are full of empathy, staring you down. Jo stands behind her, furrowing her brows at your tear-stained face.

Naomi stays silent, feeling like a creep for trying to hear your surroundings, hating that youre at Jo and Kelli's instead of home with them.

"Tomorrow, okay. I love you," they say quietly, wanting to hear those words from you again before hanging up.

“Tomorrow… try to get some sleep,” you say, knowing Naomi probably won't sleep, the same as you.

"I will," Naomi says quietly, hoping they sound convincing, wincing when they realize you've always been able to see right through them. "…can I call you tomorrow or should I just wait for you to call me?" they ask nimbly.

“I’ll come home after work; how does that sound?” you ask, voice light and delicate now that you're in the comfort of your friends' home.

Naomi feels a wave of relief washes over her at the thought of getting to fix this face-to-face tomorrow. "Yes, okay, that sounds great; okay, goodnight," they say quietly, ready to hang up before something crosses their mind. "Oh, um, one more thing…" they feel the weight of the impending question on their chest.

"How was the baby shower?" they ask, ashamed.

You sigh softly. Naomi can see how you rub your eyes when you sigh in their mind. “It was— it was good, yeah… Emilia missed you, I— I covered for you, told her you were busy… I think you would’ve enjoyed it,” you say tenderly, trying not to add on to the growing list of grievances.

"Oh…"Naomi suddenly feels a flash of guilt hit them as you mention how Emilia missed them. They hate the thought of that.

"I'm sorry I missed that, and I'm really sorry that you had to explain my absence," they stutter, apologetic and guilty. "What did you tell her…about why I wasn't there? Just…busy, or did you say anything more than that?"

“Naomi, I’ll— we can talk tomorrow, yeah? When I get back to the house, I— I gotta go,” you say softly, Jo and Kelli's concerned faces watching you as you hold your head in your hands, trying to stop yourself from crying.

Naomi feels a lump in their throat as they realize you're trying to get off the phone. "Okay…yeah. Okay, that's fine…we'll talk tomorrow." There's hurt in their voice as they say this; they hate sleeping tonight without fixing this. The thought of not sleeping in the same bed makes Naomi nauseated. The worst part is that Naomi is why you're not curled up in your shared bed right now.

"Okay, goodnight, I- I love you...so much," they say genuinely, words cracking.

“Goodnight,” you whisper right before you hang up.

Naomi stares blankly for a minute, trying to calm down and compose themselves. Their heart feels like it was ripped out, and knowing that you probably feel worse makes it feel like it's being stomped on. They can't believe how they've treated you the last few weeks, the missed calls and dates, the lack of communication, the whole co-existing in the same house like roommates is too much for Naomi to think about without spiraling. All they want to do is hold you and tell you how sorry they are. But they know you aren't in the mood for that; you want some space, and Naomi plans to respect that.

As they crawl into bed later that night, your cat and dog occupying the space that is yours, Naomi lets themselves cry, before shaking it off and coming up with a plan to get you back and be the best partner they can be.

[sizzlingstarlightsky]

*Distracted

Kinktober 2024: Jealousy

Helion smut

cw: sad boy Helion smut

"Fuck me like you mean it," she demanded, her breath ragged and her eyes glazed with a mix of desperation and need.

He complied, his rhythm punctuating the quiet of the night, his muscles rippling with every thrust. The soft moans of their union filled the room, a stark contrast to the silence that had once dominated his thoughts.

Helion had always been a man of passion, but tonight, it felt hollow, a mere shadow of what once was.

As his hands roamed her body, he couldn't help but feel a pang of something sharp and bitter. His mind wandered to her, the Lady of Autumn, whose fiery spirit had once set his world ablaze.

Her laughter, her smell, the way she moved – it was all he could think about, even as he was buried deep inside another.

He gritted his teeth, trying to push her from his mind, but she lingered like a phantom, a constant reminder of what he'd lost.

The woman beneath him, sensing his distraction, clung tighter, her nails digging into his back. She was eager, desperate even, to hold onto this semblance of connection.

Her hips bucked wildly, trying to pull him deeper, but it was as if he were fucking through a veil.

His heart was miles away, lost in the Autumn Court with the one who had captured it so completely.

He couldn't shake the news that had reached his ears earlier that day. Beron, the High Lord of the Day Court, had sired another son. Another heir to add to his ever-growing collection.

The knowledge burned in Helion's chest, a searing ember of anger and resentment.

How could she have chosen that monster over him? The very thought of it made him want to tear this random fae to shreds, but he held back, his grip on his temper as tenuous as the connection he felt to the woman in his bed.

Her eyes searched his, seeking a spark of something genuine, but all she found was a void. Helion knew he was using her, and the guilt of it coiled in his gut like a serpent.

She didn't deserve to be just a stand-in for his lost love.

He slowed his pace, trying to find some shred of feeling for her, but it was like trying to hold onto a handful of sand in a hurricane. The more he squeezed, the more it slipped through his fingers.

"You're so fucking tight," he murmured, the words sounding forced even to his own ears.

He tried to focus on the sensation of her body, the way she quivered around him, but his mind kept drifting back to the Lady of Autumn. The way she'd whisper his name in the dark, her eyes full of heat and promise, her legs wrapping around his waist as she urged him deeper.

He bit his lip, pushing the memories aside as he whispered more empty praises.

"You feel so good."

Her nails scored down his back, a silent plea for more. Helion's eyes squeezed shut, and he gave in, his hips moving with a newfound fervor.

But it was the Lady's face he saw, her autumn eyes that haunted his every move.

He pumped into the fae beneath him, imagining it was the Lady's soft moans he heard, her body he felt squeeze around him. It was a lie he told himself, a lie that grew more desperate with each passing moment.

The woman's breath hitched, her body arching as she climaxed, her walls tightening around him. He grunted, his own orgasm teetering on the edge, but it was a hollow victory.

The Lady of Autumn's image in his mind faded, and he was left with the cold reality of who he was with.

He pulled out, his cock still hard and needy, but his soul felt drained. He had taken from her, used her to try to fill the void, but it had only made it deeper.

He rolled off the bed, not bothering to offer her a gentle kiss or whisper sweet nothings in her ear. He couldn't stomach the lie.

Instead, he walked to the balcony, the cool night air brushing against his heated skin. He gripped the railing, his knuckles white with tension.

Down below, the bustle of the Day Court was a distant murmur, the lights a taunting reminder of his failure.

The woman stirred behind him, her body still trembling from the force of her climax.

"Was I not enough?" she asked, her voice small and uncertain.

Helion didn't turn around. He didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes. He didn't deserve her concern.

"You were perfect," he lied, his voice tight. "It's me. I'm the one who's... broken."

Let me know if you want to be in the Taglist: 🖤 @chunkypossum @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @ysmtttty @nessiandefenseattorney @nocasdatsgay @secret-third-thing @azysmate @yennas-stuff @a-courtof-azriel @batboyrhyrhy @lilah-asteria @velarisnightsky444

[maxfandoms]

Day feelings towards Night

Hi, Hello! I see a lot of people who see Day blame Night for the accident and are like but "Day's actually the one at fault in the end for taking his eyes of the road" or "Day is just taking his anger out on Night" and you're right but

Day know it was accident, he know deep down that Night didn't do anything and it also not just as simple as Day taking out his anger on Night, it is part of it but it's more complicated than that

So as someone who is familiar in the department of "Being angry/furious with family members who did sh*tty things but are trying to move on or be better" and also as someone who has been right about Day's emotion before I'm just here to give a rambly perspective on things. So Let's Start

(Also side note: I am going to talk about how Day's view Night more and not actually how Night is because this two are so completed different things for now at least)

We know that Day's know it was accident, and even if it was in someone choice it was Day's. Day choose to go the club and Day choose to take his eye off the road and the things is even before this episode, and even when I wrote my thoughts on Night & Day i kind of knew that would be Day's choice that lead to the accident in a ironic way (I was thinking that maybe Day knew he shouldn't be playing because that could risk his vision as well but that didn't happen) But I still understand because

What Day is actually angry about

Let start bit by bit, First with this line by the dad especially this part right here "You once wanted him to be". Combine this with Night saying "Who's the big brother?" it paints a picture of relationship where Day was the more responsible of the two (the national badminton player, seems good at school) while Night feel like maybe he was lost and maybe partying so Day was the one taking care of Night

It says a lot that the first flashback we got about Night & Day is Day in the role of taking care of Night, making sure he's will get home safe when now it's Night doing that

Also just look at difference in the way Day looks hearing Night, like in the first one has a bitt of annoyance, but there's a care and fondness that make me cry a little bit since I knew what was coming

With this dialogue, Day makes it clear that he doesn't feel Night's action are genuine, that they don't come from Night's care and love for him. And can I just say, Day is not completely wrong on that assumption

Night loves Day? Yes. The thing is though Night's guilt is def a factor in the way he's behaving right now and despite the fact that Night's recklessness was about his own struggle than his feelings towards Day's. Day doesn't know that, what he does know is that after the accident, Night became more caring, gentle towards him.

What think happen in Day's mind every time that Night is kind is this: "Now you can be a good brother? Now that you think you hurt me so much you can be what I wanted you to be? Now that the spot of the 'golden child' is vague? Not out of love on genuine care? Why couldn't before? What was stopping you?"

And a lot of you may be thinking that is should be easy to connect the dots, however it's not. Because I think Day thinks that if he were to try and reach out towards Night, it would just go back to the way things were and Night would fall back in the same recklessness behavior (Could this be a little projection? Yes but let's not talk about that)

This part can be interpret in a lot of ways, because from what asked around Day uses ‘เสียใจ’ which means ‘sad’ but it could also mean ‘feel sorry for something’. So this could be that Day's is feel like he taking a responsibility for the accident, I think that could be one way to interpret it

But what if it's more than that? What if he's also feeling sorry than he can seem to let go of his resentment, that despite Night's trying Day is not ready to trust him to be a good brother?

TL:DR Day's anger is not about the accident, but about everything that Night is doing after it. Day blame Night for not being able to be a good brother BEFORE the accident which it unfair because Night was dealing with own thing before but Day needed a big brother for long time that he is hurt from the waiting

[buckyownsmylife]

Secret Door: the one where the morning after rolls around

President James Buchanan Barnes is the first president to occupy the White House without a first lady ever since… well, President James Buchanan Barnes. But he’s not too worried about it, since he got his best friend from college acting as his VP, supporting him just like only someone who knew everything about him could do. What happens when feelings from the past start to resurface?

Or the one where you and Bucky used to date but now you got a country to run.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

specific warnings for the chapter: angst, alcohol, alcoholic amnesia, involuntary non-consensual voyeurism, guilt, suicidal feelings, anger, insecurity, tears

Bucky’s P.O.V.

I’d forgotten how she stole all the blankets.

It was such a small, silly thing, and yet realizing that after all these years, I didn’t remember it anymore got to me. There was a time where I used to boast that I knew everything about the woman lying next to me, and although I liked to think I still did, there was a considerable gap in my knowledge of her history, a gap that was placed there despite me.

I still didn’t know what made her break up with me back then.

Sure, I knew I wasn’t the easiest person to be around. I partied too much, drank my weight in alcohol every night. And not with cheap beer, oh no. It was always expensive shit - the same kind my father used to drink back when he was still alive.

More often than not, I’d wake up without any recollection of the previous evening. But that was okay. Because she was right there to help me, wipe the sweat from my forehead and let me know it was all going to be okay.

She was everything to me, until one day, she wasn’t. And when we first started working together in the world of politics, it was hard not to be resentful. I had done everything for her, back then. I loved her. And she’d just traded me for another person, like I was nothing to her at all.

I remembered seeing them fucking one day, when I went to her place hoping to get her back. The sounds I heard from that bedroom had haunted many sleepless nights, and they still did, even so long after.

I didn’t believe I was truly over what had happened until tonight, when I finally had the chance to have her again. No more memories of jacking off to her and her ex, just me and her, together again, at last.

I reached out blindly to pull her body closer to me, and was surprised to not find anything there. Startled, I sat up quickly, brushing the sleep away from my eyes as I struggled to adjust to the lack of lighting in the room, and that’s when I saw it…

She was trying to sneak out, wearing my hoodie over her dress, her heels dangling from her fingertips as she stared at me in guilt.

It felt like I was going to die.

“Where are you going?” I asked, even though the answer was pretty obvious. Anywhere but here, and although I was a mixture of incredulous, sad and angry, I still couldn’t help but think that she looked so fucking cute wearing my clothes.

“Are you going to leave?” I pressed, sitting up on the bed as I watched her fidget. It hurt more than I cared to admit, the way she avoided my eyes and refused to answer. Getting out of the bed and ignoring my naked state, I was almost gentle in the way that I pressed, “What is it, then? Wasn’t I enough for you? Back then, right now?”

She looked shocked, her wide eyes told me so. I suppose that she didn’t expect me to reopen old wounds, but they felt pretty present to me at that moment. “Did you stop loving me?” The question I always wanted to know escaped me without much difficulty.

I don’t know if I would be able to say the same about the way I would deal with the answer.

“Because I never did.” The hurt was obvious in my voice, and it took a sharp inhale from her to snap me out of the past and back to the present moment, a moment I didn’t even want to be living.

“James, what do you remember of those times?” She surprised me by lowering her shoes, slowly making her way back to the bed, where she sat down next to where I was standing. “The times when you would drink yourself blind, only to wake up in my arms, safe and sound. What do you remember?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I remained silent. “Come here,” she quietly begged, reaching out for my hands until I was sitting next to her in bed, her thumbs rubbing circles on the inside of my wrist.

“You don’t remember. You don’t remember how it ruined me to be the one to pick up the pieces of the man that I loved, night after night. I know you don’t remember, but I’ll never forget.”

“It broke my heart.” The worst part about it was that I knew it to be true. I couldn’t even deny it. “You were becoming your father and it hurt too fucking much.”

“And when you told me what your dream was…” She continued as I stared at her through water-filled eyes. “I knew there was no way you’d get better if I indulged your wild side any longer.”

“You were already so close to losing your scholarship…” She stopped to take a deep breath, before completing, “so I knew the only thing that could possibly speak to you was if you lost me.”

I had no idea. I knew she’d broken up with me because of my ways, of course - it was the reason why I decided to become sober, but I had no idea she had done this sacrifice for me, so I could become the man I needed to become to get this job done.

“You were my origin story,” I laughed through the tears, letting her tug me down so she could rest her head on my shoulder. “You could have talked to me, though.”

“You know what?” She conceded, “I suppose I could.”

[adoreblue]

3:39am

member  kim mingyu genre  angst, r wordcount  1.1k warnings  reader experiences periods, very light mention of sex notes  bf!mingyu, this is my first piece so i’m sorry if it’s not great, ummmm i don’t know what to say other than. this is like. really sad..??? i hope that is not a problem

the bawling was becoming louder and you knew he was starting to get tired. again. it was 3:39 am, and you refused to shift your view beyond the sleeves of your hoodie, now drenched in tears. you heard ruffling nearby, temporarily making you wonder if he was going to leave for the night. but upon the wave of silence that followed, it was clear he was laying down in bed next door, likely dwelling on his thoughts.

your relationship with mingyu had not been a peaceful one necessarily. the pacing was quick: few dates, passion, sex, and before you knew it you were waking up to his giggling every morning, a routine splashed with joy and energy. he took you hiking every weekend, despite your resentment. “it’ll be good for you”, eyelashes fluttering, and he was right about that. you had a box of chocolates guaranteed when it was that time of the month and a call for every day he was abroad; a shoulder to cry on and a genuine friend. kim mingyu had been yours for 9 months and every second had felt worth it up to now.

it was strange because tonight felt like just one of many nights: he’d come home, you’d confront him after finding out, he’d apologise lightly and you’d become frustrated at his motionless reaction, your pain would feel so unmatched by his exterior you’d have a go at him, intensely, and you’d end up feeling ashamed and frail. after a certain amount of time, you’d rekindle the conversation and apologise to him for the inconvenience caused. he’d forgive you, and the night would end wrapped in his arms, feeling a sense of gratitude over the fact he hadn’t ditched you yet. this last hour you had been pondering over how real the sense of gratitude was - you had somehow equated his reasons for apologising to yours up to today. he would apologise because he had been seeing your ex-friend haneul, an individual known locally for his misconduct towards women and minorities, and you would apologise for your reaction to finding out he had, once again, lied to you about his evening plans. while it was never said to you out loud, you felt controlling, entitled, disruptive, whenever you called him out on it, and what had hurt you up to this point is the fact he never felt like denying it. he’d accept your apologies, nodding along, never questioning or denying your claims when you’d declare you were a “territorial bitch” in a haze of anger and shame. you knew it was your fault for being over-apologetic, for not believing you could stand up for yourself, for being convinced your overarching guilt was justified. but he never thought beyond your words or cared to challenge them.

nonetheless, he was not entirely responsible for the tremor either. he cared. he did care and you knew that. he had been clear about his beliefs being completely different from haneul’s, and you had no reason to think otherwise. it wasn’t entirely his choice either - being the son of one of the members of staff, they’d often go eat dinner together as a group, with haneul taking a liking for mingyu, and inviting him to outings often despite mingyu’s indifference towards him. what hurt you was not the meet-ups themselves but the secrecy - he had grown tired of your reactions when he was honest about seeing him, and now disguised it through lies. 

“minghao invited me for drinks”, he texted you once, unaware minghao had previously asked you for a brownie recipe to prepare for his uncle who was visiting him that night. “i’m with my mum” he said a different time, unaware haneul’s jarring voice was discernible over the phone.

being honest with yourself, it wasn’t even about haneul anymore. he had been a horrible person to friends of yours and you couldn’t understand why mingyu even tolerated his existence, but a lack of trust is what had you twisting the ring on your finger in agony this late at night. you felt stupid for believing in a relationship where the communication was a façade, where problems would get burried and looped. him lying so shamelessly about haneul had you panicking over anything else he could be hiding from you. and what scared you the most is he seemed over it as well, taking your reprimands less seriously than before since they had become a common practice.

you are in love with mingyu, but the relationship fractured and you couldn’t even lie to yourself about it. tonight, you refused to take his apology, accusing him of being a liar and implying he was seeing someone else romantically. you knew your words were extreme and a product of the heat of the moment, but felt frustrated the roots of your argument were also being dismissed. the turmoil between believing the guilt in your chest and standing up for yourself was suffocating you more than ever before, and in your head, this situation posed the dilemma of whether it was better to apologise profusely or exit the relationship.

you strolled towards the bedroom, grudgingly, and found mingyu lying down with his eyes half shut. his phone screen was facing the bedsheet but light was coming off of it. he had his body spread across the bed, which read as uninviting for you to join him. you couldn’t decipher his disguised expression, and he didn’t seem concerned to change that.

“i don’t know what to do about you,” you mutter, weary about how you’d phrase your frustration this time, “i don’t feel like we communicate well.”

his mhm was confusing, for a second you were under the impression he was trying to convince you he was too far in his sleep to have this conversation. 

“i wish it wasn’t like that,” he stated eventually, slightly more confident but with a trembling chin, “i wish we could understand each other better.” he sounds sad. with major doubts, you eventually crawl into bed with him and quickly find yourself in his embrace.

you feel petrified, ashamed, and incapable of escaping the notion that the relationship’s core is dishevelled.

you feel comforted, safe, and relieved by his willingness to hold you close.  

“we can try to figure this out,” he whispers as you doze off to sleep, “please let us figure it out”.

[percephilous]

Who is Asterope? Can you tell me about this one?

Hi. I. Forgot. It is 10pm but I CAN EXPLAIN him I promise.

(Renegade karma files spoilersss!!)

Most of this isn't ingame I just needed a way to make the nicest person alive evil

I just. Swapped him and aelita that one time in that one temple with very little care for the time line. They didn't notice because he's whimsy af and it didn't kick in for awhile

Basically, what if, silly little guy (august) but, horrible curse. He's a funny little dude! August n Asterope are basically night and day. August being unable to feel anger (hatred, resentment, ect) Aster being unable to feel sadness (remorse, guilt, ect) cause of the garfuan curse. Which normally wouldn't be a problem but then it got a bit too silly (general insanity)

Aster will point and laugh after he kills your entire family via cursed fire. He follows the same ^-^ while comitting horrible crimes that M2 does! He defies logic every now and then too because try to stop him. He does what he wants most days with little care for whose being hurt.

His exact reasoning for being evil is unknown, probably solely the curse.

I prolly forgot a Lot LOL I'll figure it out later hope this is a nice summary

[tendermiasma]

Do you have any lore/ story character moments or anything to say about Ariel you’d be willing to share? Your art and little revealing bits about him and your elden ring journey have me so interested Id love to know more about the sad charming wizard im very chin on hands while i kick my legs 👀 about him. Also thank you for introducing the big brain morgott x tarnished ship to me and a big hell yeah to your gay demon god (mogh) x tarnished art can i get a hell yeah

Not me crouching like a goblin just behind the door waiting for someone to ask about him, I'm so insanely touched that you're that interested in him- he actually has quite a history that he's grown to try to live in spite of. Both of Ariel's parents were Haima Conspectus scholars and his father was killed in combat when Ariel was still a child. He was old enough to know it would be just the two of them from now on, but too young to understand the alchemy that turned his mother's grief to resentment and anger towards him. She tried to mold him in his father's image-- replace him, make him succeed where he failed, the most violent kind of mourning. Although obedient, Ariel was sensitive and quiet and fell apart under her hand instead of hardening into the iron will she wanted; he couldn't understand why this made him feel even more hated, mocked, even more of a bad child. Their house, while never a warm one, was as cold as death. She found Ariel hiding out, feeding dragonflies sugar water from a spoon when she told him he would attend school and enlist or she would no longer be his mother. He was nine years old.

Ariel loved his mother.

Just like the kids back in Sellia, the students at Raya Lucaria could smell blood before they'd even spilled it, only made worse with the advantage of extra years spent sharpening themselves seemingly for this purpose. Ariel was an ungainly sum of contradictions-- a soldier's cut, a clear declaration of the intent to pursue Haima and distinguish oneself on the battlefield, but instead it hung limply about his ears and eyes that refused to meet anyone else's; Quite proficient in spellcraft but would tremble to the point of being disdainfully dismissed during training; A build that would have been formidable but turned awkward by robes that were too small and a habit of hunching in the hopes that maybe could make himself disappear, or at least be left alone. To his dismay, this had the opposite effect.

He spent all the time he could in his room, away from the rest of the students. It was there, from night to morning, that he could study not Haima, but the stars. He was desperately trying to prove that he could become valuable and earn her love doing something else that wasn't killing if he became really, really good at it. Whatever it took would be worth it a thousand times over. He kept chopping his hair, out of habit or obedience, for a while longer. Guilt and dread welled in him when it brushed his jaw, then the tops of his shoulders. Ariel hadn't slept in two days, but this was normal. Sunken eyes blinked unevenly back at him in the mirror. He had to succeed, or die.

And then the sky stopped for him. It was his only salvation, and it was gone. The one thing that justified his existence, gone.

One morning his room would sit empty, articles neatly folded on the bed. Without knowing him, it looked like no one had ever been there. But for Ariel, it was a kind of goodbye. One that didn't take up too much space. One that said, "I'm sorry."

It's hard to say how long he wandered or under what roof he slept, or how many of those nights saw him sleepless and staring at the night sky that shunned him. An unyielding judge. Ariel began to understand his sentence.

When the sorcerer approached Ariel with a proposition he still refused, shaking with fear. Some days later, he would see him at his door, red eyes and a sort of resignation; not peaceful, but accepting. He would aid him in assembling the graven mass, but with the promise that he would leave a space for Ariel.

Constructing a graven mass is a lengthy and harrowing process. The bodies must be living since they're acting as the "core" of the star and are all connected together to share that same force and strengthen the core as a conductor for the primeval current to flow through. They would not be able to survive apart again.

What Ariel had been taught all his life was coalescing before him, that moral sacrifices must be made, and if his body was the only thing of value he could give when the rest of him proved to be worth nothing, then he would give it. So he allowed himself to be given the draught of sedation and slowly fused to the mass of bodies.

He knew the deep twilight the potion brought wouldn't last long. Full consciousness and full power of thought was needed for these stars to receive; he awoke a prisoner in his own body, unable to move or speak, the magic and corporeal material of twelve other sorcerers pulsing through him, and he was no longer himself. Fission was taking place and they writhed wordlessly in the exposure of the Primeval Current. He wanted to scream.

It felt like pain, but in a way pain can't be fully described. It entered his eyes and mouth and ears and expanded into the farthest reaches of the universe inside of him, and then pulled him down into its depths. He felt like he was falling in all directions at once at great velocity, cosmic radiation searing his flesh from his bones, his breath crushed from him in the whorls of a black hole. He saw the birth and death of stars. He was torn apart by the astral macrocosm while his body decayed. The entire mass was decaying and growing unstable. It was uncontained and something was wrong.

The astrologer was instantly consumed in the flare that burst from the star-seed he attempted to create. The others perished along with it. It had failed.

Then Ariel, left alone on the dead core, the material of twelve other lifeless bodies continuing to feed their viscera through him, left to rot in the Current.

The magic of the draught slowly seeped away. Moving inch by inch, night by night, Ariel's fingers at last wrapped themselves weakly around one of the tubes embedded in his neck. It was the very last of himself he had to give. The star went dark.

He found himself waking to the call of Grace. 

He rose and walked along the shore, not seeing, not really feeling. It was a deep, empty despair. He had enabled the suffering of others and that could never be forgiven. This is what it meant for him to exist-- the suffering of others. If he could give one thing back, not for hope of redemption, but doing one small goodness for the world, anonymous and forgotten, he wanted it more than anything. 

For days he sat on the beach, towards the wide sea and the fog, where the ships first bore him to the Lands Between. He sat with the waves making his shoes damp and crusted with salt, carving a small blade, a glintstone in the sand beside him. It was dull and tired-looking, but it would be okay. He was slow. His hands accumulated cuts and the blade was crooked. He didn't know how to do this very well. He'd never tried. Thankfully it didn't need to be beautiful.

When he was finished, he knelt in the sand and pressed the glintstone to his chest, and the knife he pressed into his heart beside. If he could give that one small goodness, his meager soul might serve someone better than he could, lying on the shore where the ships came, across the fog, across the wide and sparkling sea.

The tides had changed when he woke. Gentle ripples of seawater lapped at his cheek and cracked lips as he lay curled in the sand, their work slowly cleaning away the blood from his fingers and the dull little stone that rested in them. Overhead the stars hung like glass in the vast night sky. 

His past is his future as well. Just as souls on earth returned to the Erdtree, all rivers, no matter how long-wandering, return to the sea. Ariel doesn't belong to the earth anymore. He long drifted in the tide of the Current and it will reclaim him, in time. Their bond sealed within him the fate of Lusat, and of Azur. Where we find him today is after he's realized that even if he doesn't believe he's right for this, that truly anyone else would be doing the world a service to take his place, he is what they've got and he is going to try with everything he has for the people he loves-- who he loves far more than himself. That's part of why he is so desperate now to try and right the world, to do everything that he can. He knows he doesn't have forever.

[zeldaspellmaniswife]

Tommy Shelby, Keep a Baby?

The weight of the world, Tommy Shelby had always carried it on his shoulders, but nothing could prepare him for the weight of a ten-year-old's grief.

The boy, Finn, had been brought into the world stained with the blood of his parents. Tommy had killed them, a cold, calculated act of revenge for a betrayal that had cost him dearly. He couldn't bring himself to kill their baby, a helpless babe who knew nothing of the sins of his father. Grace, with her heart too big for her own good, had insisted on raising him, turning a cold, empty space in the Shelby home into a nursery.

For years, Tommy had treated Finn with a detached coldness, seeing the traitor in every look, every twitch of the boy's lips. He had built walls around his heart, refusing to allow any affection to seep through. Finn, in turn, had become a quiet, withdrawn child, haunted by the absence of the parents he barely remembered.

The night the truth unraveled was a night of howling wind and rain, the kind that mirrored the storm raging inside Finn. A letter, found tucked away in an old trunk, revealed the truth: his father hadn't betrayed Tommy willingly. He had been forced, held hostage, and forced to sign away his loyalty, a loyalty he had never intended to break. His father had died a martyr, protecting his son.

Finn sat huddled in his room, the letter clutched in his small hand, sobs wracking his body. The world he thought he knew, the world he had been taught to hate, crumbled around him. He couldn't understand why his father had been forced to choose between his honor and his life, and he couldn't forgive Tommy for the pain he had inflicted.

His screams echoed through the house, reaching Tommy's ears like a physical blow. He found Finn curled in a ball on the floor, his face stained with tears. Tommy, used to seeing the world in black and white, felt a wave of despair rise within him. He had unwittingly condemned an innocent child to a life of sorrow.

He knelt down, his voice rough with barely contained emotion, 'Finn, I… I didn't know. I didn't know the truth about your father. I was wrong, so wrong to blame you for something you had no control over.'

Finn looked up, his eyes red and swollen, 'But you killed them... you killed my parents.'

Tommy reached out, his hand trembling, a gesture of comfort he hadn't allowed himself before. 'I will never take back what I did. But I want you to know, I would never have hurt your parents if I had known the truth.'

He pulled Finn into a hug, the boy stiff at first, then relaxing into the embrace. 'I was scared, Finn. I was afraid of the pain, of the memories. I thought I was protecting myself, but in doing so, I hurt you. I'm sorry.'

The days that followed were a slow dance of healing. Tommy started sharing stories of his own past, of his family, of the sacrifices they had made. He showed Finn the love he had been denied, a love tinged with guilt and a desperate need to be worthy of the boy's forgiveness.

He took Finn to the graves of his parents, explaining the circumstances, the anguish their father had faced. He helped Finn to understand that his father's sacrifice was an act of love, a testament to the family he had built.

Slowly, hesitantly, Finn started to open up. He spoke of his nightmares, of the sadness that had always been with him. He began to ask questions, seeking answers, seeking understanding.

Tommy answered truthfully, honestly, baring his soul to the boy he had once considered an enemy. He told him about the burden of his past, the choices he had made, the things he wished he could undo.

He taught Finn to shoot, to ride horses, to navigate the rough world they lived in. He instilled in him the values of loyalty, family, and respect, the same values he had learned, but forged in a crucible of pain and hardship.

It wasn't an easy journey. There were still moments of anger, of resentment, of tears. But each day, the bond between them grew stronger, a connection forged not by blood, but by shared pain, shared understanding, and the undeniable truth of their shared love.

One night, as Finn lay asleep in his bed, Tommy sat by the window, watching the moon cast its silver light on the rolling hills. He had lost so much, but in the face of that loss, he had found something unexpected, something precious – a chance to right his wrongs, a chance to be the father he never had. He knew that the scars of the past would remain, but he also knew that with love, with compassion, and with time, they could heal. He was no longer the cold, calculating man he had once been. He had found the light in the darkness, and in it, he had discovered the true meaning of family.

[naffeclipse]

Ok, ok, gonna send these before I forget!

So, those tags in the last in the response to the most recent Bounty Hunter Eclipse ask have me really curious! You say that Eclipse does indeed give y/n information he has never given anyone before, maybe hoping that this will somewhat balance a little what he did to them (and probably expecting y/n to take revenge on him if they wanted to), maybe even as a way to give them some security in the knowledge that if Eclipse wanted to hurt them with the information he already has about their days with Afton, they could absolutely hurt him right back with this new info about him. An 'insurance' of a sort?

But that has me thinking about those key differences between Eclipse and the vigilante and how what truly hurts them are very different things! Both share of course the common factor of not wanting to lose the detectives, the most important people in their lives, (although Eclipse also does not want to lose y/n, but at this point he knows that's out of his control).

But to y/n, what hurts is having their very bloody past ruin the good they are trying to build in the present, and fearing that the monster they feel they were would come to haunt them, that the guilt of their past would never leave them be and that they would never be allowed happiness because of it (fearing they would deserve it as well after all the awful stuff they did). Meanwhile, for Eclipse it's about that feeling of having ever been vulnerable. He puts so much effort in being the one that knows everything about everything, the one that always gets his way, the one to be feared, the unstoppable force AND the immovable object. The idea of people knowing that he once had so little control on what would happen to him, and that those days were the darkest for him, where someone could conceivably dig up something up that could hurt him is what he hates the most. Appearing weak. Especially in front of those whom he wants to hold him in high regards.

Having said that, I do wonder what it was like for him before Sun and Moon arrived. What is so bad that he refused to tell even his brothers, who also knew abuse at the hands of the daycare staff? What is so bad that he considers telling the vigilante about it an equal trade off for such a terrible slip up on his part?

Was it a much worse situation when he was working alone because the work load was just terrible and he was the only one at which people would direct the mistreatment? Or maybe it was more of a mental low, when he just had fallen into a routine that seemed to have no light in it until he got to meet Sun and Moon? Or maybe it was about how his own starting point? Thinking about the chapter where we see their first night in the streets, Eclipse reflects on how Sun and Moon's code was still developing back then. So maybe once he was more like his brothers, when he had just been built, but the fact that his own code developed exclusively in that daycare made the resentment become very deeply rooted in him?

(...I just made myself sad at the thought that possibly it is Eclipse's good treatment of Sun and Moon so early in their lives that made a good impression on them and left them with the very firm idea that, even in the harshest of situations and environments, kindness was an option. So seeing the one that taught this to them descend into such a dark place must have been doubly painful ;-;)



Eclipse's beginning days before Sun and Moon joined him at the daycare were dreary and dark. He hasn't allowed control or respect and lacked anyone to turn to for support or comfort. He was alone, abused by the hands of the daycare owners, and driven relentlessly into work.

He doesn't speak of that time to Sun and Moon because he can't have them know how much he suffered, that he was nothing before they came along. It would upset them too much.

Giving every bloody detail to the vigilante kills him in a way—his pride and his anger and desire for control want to rip it back from them but they know now. It's terrifying. He hates that he feels weak again, but when the vigilante looks at him, seeing someone who isn't a bloody bounty hunter and someone who doesn't squeeze too tight every time they meet, but someone who endured, too. Someone who had to survive and even excelled at surviving in the only horrible way they knew how.

He doesn't feel alone. He is still fearful and wants to shield his vulnerabilities, but he starts to feel hope for the first time that maybe he's not stuck as he is. Maybe he can change again, this time in a better direction, this time to keep everything he loves safe and sound and close.

The vigilante starts to understand. They hold his truth and handle it with tender care, and allow the first inclining of forgiveness to dwell within them.

He has a long way to go, but addressing the root of his problems is a good first step.

(YESSS! Eclipse nourished Sun and Moon a ton, not that they didn't have their own choices and personalities, but Eclipse truly showed them great brotherly care and protection, and that allowed Sun and Moon to believe in goodness and kindness and love.)

[arziaisfrench]

▪︎ IPKKND Ep 75 : An accident that changed everything

I'm glad Arnav was intending to make up for what he did last night. But I don't think he was about to apologize either lol ... 😬

And I also understand Khushi not wanting to hear anything coming from his mouth, he was being way too cruel !

It must be seriously tiring to see him in such excess of rage. But soon, she will understand that this anger is a mask he uses to hide his fears, that this excessive anger is in fact the result of a trigger episode.

His reaction was hilarious here looool ! "Tf she's saying?" 🤣😂

Then Khushi mistakenly scalds Arnav thinking to throw a glass of cold water on him after misunderstanding him, she thought he grabbed her dupita in order to challenge or disrespect her…

Arnav holds back his anger. He probably can also sense by her suprised face that she had no idea the water she throwed at him was still hot.

He could have legitimately indulged in a tantrum this time and yet he purposely chose to stay in control. But I don't think it's because he saw it was obviously a mistake but because he accepts this as a "punishment" he thought he deserved for all his cruel words and misunderstandings.

And then later Khushi not being able to contain this feeling of guilt decided to ask Arnav for forgiveness. Arnav looked so soft when she appeared to him. He wasn't trying to get angry with her to get revenge or anything. I find it very interesting that he didn't know how to act and what to expect from her arrival. I think he was looking at her bewildered and confused. "Why are you here now?"

Just before she had tried to talk to him and he kinda had slammed the door in her face. This scene suggested that there was resentment in his behavior. And yet, when she comes again he is not filled with agitation. Why? I think he is just emotionally hurt. He knows she didn't do it on purpose but he doesn't understand why she chose to act like this: with such vehemence. He feels vulnerable, but not to a point where he will take refuge in anger. She did not trigger him.

He tried to talk to her and the situation escalated. Which was not his intention. Then she slammed him down so she wouldn't have to continue interacting with him. And that hurt him like a child. The Choete in him, I find in this scene is very visible. The girl he likes hurt him. He is just sad and perplexed.

"She's apologizing to me? Is she? Why? Doesn't she hate me? Shouldn't she feel happy seeing me in pain after I mistreated her again? She's crying. She's crying for me? For me? Oooh ... wow ..."

Arnav is now in awe lol, probably I think one of the happiest moment of his life hahahaha ! He just discovered that the woman he loves* doesn't hate him. He's so cuuute here !

the woman he loves* : yes, now I'll now comfortably wrote he loves her instead of "the one is has feelings for" lol. I think at this precise stage and looking at his euphoric reaction in this episode, there is no need to be cautious anymore, the man is in love ! There is no doubt !

Look at his eyes, he so wanted to kiss her !! "She's so adorable", he's always been amused by this childish side of her hehe ! 😏

Now he gets to really understand the childish and truly innocent side of her personality fully. Just like how she was when they first met.

He misunderstood her being childish with him for the past days (and after everything they went through) to purposely trying to vent on him lool, to try to fight with him. He didn't think she'll ever want to be "seen" as this childish and innocent with/in front of him because he thought she hated him. He was so wrong.

This is the first time he openly smiles in front of her. He's so happy !! SO CUUUTE !!

"I'm strange? Lol. You're the most complicated mystery I ever met in my life Khushi Kumari Gupta !"

Arnav was like "Baby, why do you have to be such a weirdo, I mean, I guess I'll have to learn to get use to it, but damn, so weird" haha 😂

Ep14 - "I can't believe this" Ep75 - "Unbelievable"

= They are definitely in love. The circle is complete.

-- >From eps 50-75

Arnav & Khushi similiarities : -both are hard workers -both make a point to support the best they can their families -They have that dark thought in common. They'll consider suic*de if the most important person to them abandons them.

Arnav & khushi differences : -Arnav's psychological defense mechanism (post trauma) are much more obvious than Khushi's. He hides himself while Khushi denies herself. That's why Khushi aknowledge her being in love much later than Arnav. And he accepts his love way after Khushi does. -He uses money/ambition to survive against the trauma, and she uses faith.

[catnherthoughts]

he was kissing another girl 4/1

i am not sure if i wrote about our meeting on wednesday. we talked about things and i left with a feeling in my heart that he is a good man. that after everything i knew he was a good man and he cared and we were friends. hilarious to me. maybe its just in my state of anger. i'm not even sure i should indulge in the rage. i sliced open my hands. the rage i had fr you and your actions spill out and onto myself as it does. i could have told you that you make me want to kill myself. i don't think that in a million years i could convey the burning in my chest you give me. you turn me into the female embodiment of fire. the anger that you left me with is one that is so familiar. i can make your life hell. maybe the rage is a reflection of the pain i feel. i am not a soft being for you anymore. you don't get to see the love in my soul anymore. you have made me cold. i can't see love in the sky anymore. i can't say that if i could i would cradle the child you once were and tell him how loved he would be. you don't deserve it. not even the little you. i've never seen you act like that. that was not the version of you that i once loved. someone and something changed you. was it me? did you want to provoke me? no. i know your mind space is not built in the shape of me like mine is of you. to think we could end on good terms. hilarious. i see the way you look at me. you could have asked if i was okay. you saw that i was in pain and you treated me like you barely knew me. that is not something a good person would do. i can't say that i'm proud of everything that i have done when i was drunk but i can say that it was always for or because of you. if you were better i'd be better. i would not have kissed men. i would not have cut myself. i would have been better. and then we could have actually ended on good terms. i can't defend you anymore. who are you? do you feel how my soul has left yours? do you regret not cherishing a love like mine. maybe not. i know i am a good person with a good heart. the reactions are purely based off of your actions. i could leak your address. i could be evil in its purest form. do you want to see how you've turned my heart cold. after i kissed him there was an incurable sense of pain and shame and guilt in my heart. because i still cared and i would never ever want to hurt you. i don't think that you feel that same way. i know that the way you reacted was based off of a trigger of past emotions wounds. that is why we ended. and i was grateful for that. because what we had was not healthy, but it will take time to drain the love for you i have in my heart. i just wanted to talk to you. is that too much to ask. i just wanted to say im sorry for some things. do you feel sorry? i am not sure if you feel that emotion for us. i wonder what you think of us. what you think of me. i did all i could for us. i loved you. I LOVED YOU. i loved who you were. everything that you were was a lovable to me. and you... you! you make me feel like i am undeserving of love in this life. i am not sure to do with all of this emotion. i have about 20 playlists about you. how sad is it that we have to end like this? i could go onto other men and think of you when i kiss them, sure. but i don't think i can take it. so now i just feel a bit empty. but my soul is filled with every negative emotion. or maybe right now i am feeling a bit numb. its about 7 am and i am looking out my window and thinking about the night we met. we looked out this same window on this same bed and talked about the people that all live here and the view from my room. maybe at the end of the day i should appreciate what we had. the more i try to cling onto it the sharper it gets and it cuts me a bit more every time. maybe the resentment that you hold towards me is a reflection of discontent you have with yourself. i have never seen you with that many girls. huh. i don't think i should have believed you when you said you could not pull. whatever. i hope you find love somewhere else. it is not mine but that is what you decided you wanted. i know i will.

i will find love within myself. i will cradle myself. i will hug myself and cry. i will mourn us but know there is nothing left to go back to. i will move on.

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Out of Character [Part II]

PAIRING: Battinson!Bruce Wayne x F!Reader

Words:

Summary: Bruce faces immense guilt after committing his worst fear, hurting you by any means.

Warnings: mentions of cheating, angst, fluff, short time jumps [***]

A/N - hope this was a satisfying ending!!! want to write more for him <3 I really want to write more for BATTINSON!!!

What felt like a few days, had turned into weeks since you’d last actually exchanged words with Bruce. The house was silent as ever, you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to forgive Bruce: and everytime you’d convinced yourself that your anger had subsided, it simply all came over you again. 

Back to square one.

The guilt was eating Bruce up, although he had no idea how to go about his emotions. He had a few things on his plate already that demanded to be dealt with, not as Bruce himself although as the man behind the mask. Bruce was struggling and you knew. He wanted to give you space, and yet at the same time, he was desperately holding himself from barging into your room. And then what?

It’s not like he could easily erase your memory of the publicised affair. Not like he could wash away the immense frustration and sadness you felt. 

He caused that, that was on him and it was killing him.

Some nights, before Alfred had turned the lights off for the day, you’d notice  shadows circulating across the floorboards, seeping through the shallow gap between the door and the ground. It was Bruce no doubt, contemplating if he was bold enough to approach you or not. The only thing standing between the two of you was the door, and every night it ended with him walking away in a haste. 

The innocent part of you, if you were being honest did miss him. You missed his touch, the sheer volume of his presence. You missed his voice and how husky it would sound. You missed the way Bruce would kiss you goodnight always, no matter what time of the night. Although, every moment you found yourself reminiscing the pure moments, was followed through with anger. 

You had no idea how long this was going to last, this “grudge” you held. Although you couldn’t bear to look at Bruce for now, the thought of having to look him square in the eyes as you tried to talk it out, to some degree infuriated you. 

It was only a matter of time...

***

“Y/N, Mister Bruce wishes for you to join him for dinner in the hall.” 

Instead of Alfred arriving at his usual time with you dinner ready at hand to your door, he’d proceeded in empty handed. 

“Alfred, not tonight, I-”

“Please, Mrs Wayne-”

That name, that title you now shared. During these past few weeks, it seemed you had truly forgotten that you were at the end of the day still Bruce’s wife. The event that had disrupted your relationship seemed to have caused you to erase the feeling that you were indeed his partner. 

“He needs you. He really needs you now.”

You tore your eyes away from Alfred’s face, the sheer sadness or more so plea for you to resign your resentment was evident. He sighed.

“I haven’t seen him like this since the night his-... Well, you would know.”

He sighed, fumbling his fingers on his walking stick, as he looked down. Alfred knew Bruce better than anyone else. He was years ahead of you in knowing Bruce, and had come to see him during his lowest moments. 

“Yes, okay Alfred, tell him I’ll be down soon,” You insisted with a half-smile. This moment came sooner than you expected, you felt unprepared, as if you were walking into a trap. Although having witnessed Alfred’s plea, it seemed Bruce wasn’t doing so well without you.

***

Walking down each step until you’d entered the main dining hall, you felt your heart sinking further into your chest. You felt like you had suddenly fallen ill, your strength has you gripped the railing lessen, weakness in your knees. Immediately, looking up from the ground, Bruce already had his eyes on you, and much to your shock, there was a hint of relief. He instantly stood up from his seat, his plate empty as he’d patiently waited for your arrival. 

Yet no words exchanged. 

He looked absolutely run down, exhausted. Lack of sleep perhaps, suggested from the prominent dark circles around his eyes. His hair looked as though it had remained unwashed for a few days, although it seemed he made the attempt to keep himself maintained for tonight, wearing a dark, black suit.   

Alfred was present, as he set your end of the table ready, pouring you a glass of red wine.

“Thank you, Alfred.” You hesitantly smiled up at him before your eyes instinctively looked ahead towards Bruce. He was still looking at you, in awe that you actually had showed up.

Not long after, Alfred walked himself out quietly, closing the large wooden doors behind, leaving you both alone. 

As you picked up your fork, your hunger beginning to settle in, you hear a faint cough before a familiar voice called you.

“Y/N, I-I want to apologise-”

Despite feeling Bruce’s gaze on you, you couldn’t bring yourself to watch him. One hand fumbling in your lap, as the other held the fork, playing with the entree before you. 

“I’ve been missing you so much, these past few weeks not talking to you, not being able to be near you. The fact that you might just hate me, I-I can’t function.”

“What is this, are you trying to guilt trip me into forgiving you, Bruce?” You firmly disrupted. 

He was taken aback, a puzzled look on his face began to appear.

“Y/N, no, I  could never do what happened to you intentionally, but I need you to know, Selina was the one that came onto me.”

“Wow, you guys are already on first name basis, impressive Bruce. Would that mean she knows who you really are behind that mask? She know you have a wife at home, worried sick night and day until you come back in one piece?!” You persist, your tone rising as the fury inside of you began to stir. 

“No, of course not, Y/N, I-”

“Then tell me why you seemed to find yourself indulging in her advances, Bruce, why it took you so long to come to your senses?!”

“She needed my help, Y/N, I promise! We knew the same people, same culprits I-I had no choice but to help her, a favour for a favour. I got desperate for anything, I was hitting dead ends on this case... But I never knew what she was capable of, or what her intentions were. I’m telling you, she doesn’t know who I really am, and if she’d found out I’m sure she’d want no part of it.”

His fists had curled against the table as he slowly had risen himself up from his seat, leaning down as he steadied himself.

Although you felt mostly anger, you felt the tears swelling in your eyes, as you turned your gaze away from Bruce. As you attempted to compose yourself, you came to the haste realisation that the reason you’d felt all these immense emotions was because you’d still loved Bruce. 

“I-Is she the reason why you spend more time in that suit than at home with me?” You hesitantly stuttered, sulking in between, as you felt the tears streaming down fast against your tender cheeks, looking up and back down from Bruce. 

Instinctively and without hesitation, he came rushing towards you, crouching down your side, as his hands cupped your face gently, a thumb stroking the tears away. 

“Of course not Y/N, baby, how could you ever think that?” You shook your head in response, shyly shrugging your shoulders as you couldn’t find the courage to speak.

“It’s my fault. I’ve lost sense of what it is to be your husband, I’ve misplaced what was important to me, and that’s you, Y/N, I mean it. I never stopped loving you but I got caught up in other things that I forgot how to.”

As your hand reached up over Bruce’s hand, the contact to contact feeling you’d once despised now the urge of all that had been missed had caught up. Before you’d had the chance to hold him, he walked back towards his end of the table, leaving you confused. Bruce had leant down, snatching a black bag from the ground that you hadn’t even realised was there, so discretely hidden behind the thick leg of the table. He walked back towards you, crouching down as his hand reached within the loose bag.

“I’ve been really thinking, ever since our fight. I’ve been contemplating all along when I knew the answer from the start-”

In time you looked away from Bruce to what he revealed to be the cowl of Batman. You looked even more weary.

“Bruce-”

“Let me finish, Y/N-”

As he demanded, you obeyed. Slightly easing yourself back in your seat, your hands in your lap, as Bruce mustered up his words.

“Between what I’ve become and who I’ve failed to be, I’ve always known what was most important to me. I’ve denied the truth that I’ve been struggling to balance this life and that life, and as a consequence I lost you. I took on this role, not only for my family’s legacy, not for vengeance, but to protect the people of Gotham, to protect the people I care about, to protect you. In the process of it all, I never saw it coming that I’d be the one to hurt you, Y/N. These past few weeks, I haven’t been myself. God, I’ve missed you-” His hand reaching over to yours, pulling it up as he kissed it, before placing it back down, still holding it.

“I’ve made the final decision. I want you to have this. I don’t want to be someone that verges to protect when I can’t even protect you from myself. I’d rather sacrifice this over the possibility of you leaving, Y/N.”

“Bruce-”

“I love you so much.”

That same hand released its grip from yours as he tugged your hair behind your ear, your hand softly grasping his wrist as he did so. The hand that had been holding the cowl, urged for you to take it, he had no hesitation pulling it back, as he insisted.

“Bruce, I-I can’t let you do this.”

“But-“

“I know, I know that you’re sorry for everything. I know that you’re guilty of what happened, and that you’ve struggled to come to terms with repercussions of this-” You suggested as your eyes peered over the cowl, back to Bruce.

“I know that it hurt you to see us like this. But I can’t let you give this up. It’s been hard, and with what happened, you know better than to let it repeat itself. I know this now… But I want you to continue, I can’t be the reason you might regret this in a few years time, when Gotham needs you most.”

“Y/N, but I failed-”

“And that’s what it’s all been about, Bruce. That’s just life. But you can’t give up after every hiccup. I am your wife, and I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Not so aware of the other competition I had, but I knew there’d be nights where I’d be up waiting for you, to tend to your wounds and to support you. I married Bruce Wayne because even though you put that cowl from night to night, it’s still you.”

You could see a faint smile appear on his face, as yours did. He threw the cowl by the side, as he slowly stood himself up, pulling you in closer for a long, overdue kiss. Despite all the tension, the passion was still vivid.

“How’d I get so lucky?” He exclaimed pulling apart as his strong arms wrapped around your body. You’d never felt more secure than as you did in this present moment.

“Guess I’m just your blessing in disguise,” You chuckled, before resuming your long awaited night of bliss.

[yoonvvs]

until i found you

summary: blaise thought she would never fall in love again — but her best friend might be changing her thoughts on love soon.

warnings: mentions of breakups, depression, guilt, self victim-blaming (?), mentions of love, being numb, mentions of toxic jealousy, mentions of possessive + controlling behaviors

takes place in october 2019.

31 days of october masterlist

october had always been blaise’s favorite month. she loves the cool air and the colored leaves that decorated the sidewalk — crunching under her shoes with every step she took.

she always had the best memories in october — whether that be with her siblings or with her friends, but she always had a feeling of nostalgia everytime fall crept around the corner.

but now — blaise felt bittersweet about autumn. autumn was when she realized she was falling in love with her best friend, hyunjin. a year had passed since blaise made the realization, but only four months had passed since the couple had broken up.

blaise was never the same after she found out hyunjin broke up with her. she was filled with sadness, with anger, and resentment almost constantly. she could barely even recognize herself when she looked in the mirror. her heart was broken into thousands and thousands of little pieces — and now she was slowly starting to pick them all up again, taping all the broken pieces back together again.

it wasn’t easy — the four months alone. the first month, she felt anger. she couldn’t bear to be in the same room as hyunjin without feeling enraged. she couldn’t believe that hyunjin could do such a thing to her — someone he claimed to love. she was so angry that she moved out of the dorm and into her brother’s apartment, that was actually closer to the company compared to the boy’s dorm.

the second month — she felt sadness. she felt like there were holes in her heart, she felt alone without her best friends on her side, and most importantly, her first love. every night, she cried herself to sleep, begging for anyone to take this pain away from her. she didn’t stop until her brother calmed her down, or she was too tired to continue.

the third month — she felt the guilt. she blamed hyunjin’s inability to be loyal on herself. she felt foolish for falling in love with him — she felt ashamed that she loved someone who was two-sided. she blamed herself or how things turned out — because if hyunjin was satisfied, why would he have to go to someone else?

and now on the fourth month, she felt numb. her heart felt heavy on her chest — but she was numb. every morning she woke up, she felt like something was pressing down on her heart, trying to push it down and build walls around it once more. she could feel herself start to become closed off again — she could feel herself relapsing into a dark headspace again, one that never did her any good.

the only thing, or person she should say, that kept her from drowning in her thoughts, was her best friend — yeosang. yeosang was her best friend, he had been ever since he debuted. the two of them met through yuri — who invited blaise to their dorm the week the company annouced that ateez was going to debut soon, so she could meet all of her members.

blaise found out that night that the group who was soon to be called ateez was a chaotic mess — but were the exact people yuri needed to be surrounded with. blaise never saw yuri so happy before, and she was happy that her best friend finally found her home, where she truly belonged.

blaise became great friends with the rest of the boys that night — but her and yeosang had clicked immediately when they met. they both shared love for skateboarding, even though blaise was only a beginner. yeosang offered to teach her some tips and tricks, and blaise accepted his offer with no hesitation.

almost every weekend — blaise and yeosang were skateboarding in either an abandoned parking lot, or at the skating park when it wasn’t crowded. but when hyunjin and blaise started dating — they stopped hanging out every weekend, instead they rarely saw each other.

yeosang had became a problem in their relationship — according to hyunjin. hyunjin was always skeptical about yeosang, even when he had no reason to be, and the feeling only intensified when him and blaise became official. he always became jealous when blaise told him that she was going to hand out with yeosang — he even accused blaise of liking yeosang more than him, which was never true. so, after multiple arguments, blaise agreed to stop spending so much time with yeosang — and after that, the two friends barely spoke. yeosang never got an explanation until the couple broke up, and blaise showed up on his doorstep crying apologies.

blaise and yeosang had slowly started to rekindle their friendship — and by starting to see one of her best friends every week, blaise was slowly starting to heal. everything was turning back to normal — like how it was before she got tangled up with hyunjin. today, yeosang and blaise were going to bake cookies and decorate them for halloween. blaise promised to bring her brother some home, but she knew that ateez would eat them all before she even got a chance to put them in a container.

yeosang was always her shoulder to cry on during these four months, he stayed up late on nights where blaise couldn’t stop crying, even if he had to be up early in the morning the next day. he cracked jokes to distract her from the pain when she needed it — and he was her voice of reason when she felt like everything was her fault. blaise realized how much she missed yeosang, and she was starting to find herself thinking about him more than she would like to admit.

blaise was at the doorstep of ateez’s dorm, and before she even got the chance to knock, yuri was slinging the door open and pulling blaise into a hug, dragging her into the apartment.

“i missed you so much!” yuri screamed, blaise giggling when yuri dramatically lifted her up in a hug — as if she hasn’t seen her in years.

“you literally saw me three days ago.” blaise chuckled, pulling herself away from the older girl’s grasp, raising her eyebrows when yuri continued to pout.

“that’s a long time!” yuri exclaimed, laughing when she realized how childish she sounded. “yeosang is in the kitchen — he started baking without you.” yuri shared before giving blaise one last hug, going back to the living room where she was watching a movie with hongjoong.

as soon as blaise entered the kitchen, yeosang had swooped her up in his arms — that were getting even more defined each time she saw him — and spun her around in a circle, her giggles bouncing off the cabinet doors.

“i think this is my favorite hello,” blaise giggled once yeosang had set her down — and the boy was clearly getting flustered. he awkwardly chuckled and looked down at his feet, a boyish smile on his lips. yeosang always did thing in the heat of the moment — but got shy once the adrenaline faded. blaise loved that about him, she found his sudden bursts of energy adorable, and amusing.

“i had to buy a mixing bowl and a cookie sheet for this — because we have no kitchen utensils in this household at all.” yeosang joked once his shy spell passed — holding up the blue mixing bowl and the grey sheet, resting them on the counter next to the cookbook.

“this says the cookies take about an hour to make and bake in total — so i was thinking we should listen to some music to pass time?” yeosang suggested after rereading the recipe briefly — to which blaise was quick to agree, pulling her phone and shuffling her favorite playlist, one that she made with yeosang when they first became friends.

“i’m so happy you always trust me with the music — i finally accomplished being the friend with the best music!” blaise cheered, missing the way yeosang grimaced when she said ‘friend’. but, he brushed the feeling off, because blaise was still in the process of recovering from her messy breakup, and she did not need to make her life even more complicated than it already was.

so, yeosang swallowed down his feelings like he had always done — and started pulling out all the ingredients they needed, occasionally singing along with blaise. the two of them had shortly developed a routine — yeosang would put all the ingredients in a bowl and blaise would mix them — with yeosang getting everything ready to put the cookies in the oven.

the duo couldn’t help but sing and dance around the kitchen while the cookies were baking, not caring that yuri and hongjoong were complaining in the next room or that seonghwa was watching them with a fond smile on his face — they just were doing what they always done. no matter how upset blaise was, she knew she could always rely on yeosang to put a smile back on her face — and his charm never failed him.

blaise always knew that yeosang had a special place in her heart — of course he did, he was her best friend! but she never knew how hard she felt for yeosang, how much she loved him until recently.

maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t seen him in months — maybe it was the fact that he was her light in her dark storm, or maybe, now that she wasn’t isolated in her own dream world with hyunjin — she was finally letting herself feel the repressed feelings she had for so long.

blaise thought she was never going to fall in love with anyone ever again after hyunjin — but when yeosang was looking at her like she was the most sacred thing in the world — blaise thought that maybe one day — she could give love another chance.